`To be truly religious does not require an institution, it requires terror, faith, compassion, imagination and a bilief in more than three dimensions. It also requires love.`
(Ben Okri)
As I sip my beer and listen to my favourite songs of the week, I feel like the most selfish creature in the world. I listen to Tom`s “Luisa” and to Amarante`s “Último Romance” and I am sure that they were written for me and for me only. I can even remember Gonçalo Tavares telling me that “esconderijo” was written after our accidental encounter at a cafe in Lisbon last summer. Is it ridiculous to think that every single piece of literature and music is intended for me? Or is it not how it should work for everyone else?
***
`Can I have a pint of Stella and a chicken-pesto wrap please? `
`Sure, have you got any ID on you? `
`Yeah…actually, starting from today, I can even drink in the U.S if I want to. `
`Oh, happy birthday! `
`Cheers. `
***
It’s five past midnight and the floor of my Rio’s flat is covered with luggage and mattresses. After about 10 minutes of arguing everyone realised that I should be the one to choose the soundtrack, so Franz Ferdinand was playing loud in the living room.
` Who booked the freaking flight for 9 am? I reckon flying with a hangover is supposed to be shit. `
` I know so, it actually is. But then again, it is my birthday, and I say we face it. Come on, blondie, I even left the vodka out of the fridge for you. `
` Fine…so, how does it feel to be 21, miss? `
` I wouldn’t know; I feel either 18 or 28, never 21. `
` You were always a bit weird…`
` I’ll explain: I feel either an irresponsible, ruthless freshman or a recently graduated doctor. I am all extremes. `
` And which of them are you right now? `
` Both…I suppose. Hum, how weird. `
` So I guess that makes you 21. `
` Indeed. `
***
` Can we sleep now? We’re gonna miss the flight. `
` Ok, mother, let’s have some rest. Why did I decide to hang out with my older brother anyway?
` ‘Because we love him and his the best poet we know. `
` I love him, but the second statement is arguable. `
` Oh, jealousy! `
***
` Hey, are you sleeping? `
` Obviously not. `
` Cigarette, balcony? `
` Shoo, are you coming? `
` Hum, yeah. What happened? `
` Cigarettes, balcony, come! `
` I don`t smoke. `
` I don`t like popcorn and you two always have them at the cinema. `
` Made your point. I’m coming. `
` God, I’m so excited I can barely believe this is happening. `
` Tell me about! Well…reality is a state of mind. `
` Ok, give us a break with the post-modern theories, will you? `
` Ok, ok, let’s finish these and at least pretend we are sleeping. Our taxi at 7:30 a.m is very real.
***
` For fucks sake, the higher we go, the drunker I get. `
` Pressure, babe. `
`I told you driving would be more fun. `
` Fifty minutes, sweetheart. Hang in there. `
` Have I wished you happy birthday today? `
` About ten times. `
` Have I said I love you today? `
` No, and I love you too. Not just today, tough. `
`No, not just…
***
` Ok, guys, act not hungovered, it’s my family you are meeting. `
` I thought you had told us your family was ok with the whole drinking thing. `
` Yeah…ok. Act drunk then. `
` Can’t we just act hungovered? `
` No, that’s too obvious. `
***
` Fuck me, that’s a huge house. `
` So beautiful…`
` Suddenly “On time” makes an entirely new sense for me. `
` Makes all sense. `
` One of the reasons why I wanted to bring you all here. `
` This is going to be perfect. `
` I know. Oh, there she comes. `
***
` Finally, love. Happy birthday! Come, everyone’s here. Was the trip alright? `
` Yeah, great. I’m a bit nauseous though. I can’t believe that grandpa sent a van to fetch us at the airport, we were going to rent cars…`
`You know your grandfather, dear, he’ll do anything for you. `
` Come, guys, we’ll put our stuff in the bedrooms later. `
***
Walking behind me, always pushing me forwards: the new. Waiting for me across the garden, always watching for me, the old. And I in the middle, bringing them together, condensating all my lives into myself, into this. The present never felt so joyful
***
` Here you go, miss, enjoy your meal. `
` Cheers. `
` Don’t get me wrong, please, I really shouldn’t be asking this, but why are you having lunch by yourself on your birthday? I mean, don’t take this the wrong way, you are a beautiful young girl, where are your friends? `
` Oh, believe me, they are all here. `
` Sorry, I don’t understand. `
` Don’t worry, it’s not easy. `
***
As I walk down the now not so cold streets of Leeds, all is with me. Rio’s familiar faces and places, Guarapari’s garden in a summer day, my mother’s smile and my grandfather’s blue Vuarnet sunglasses and old style Rider sandals. The official party starts in less then five hours, but I’ve celebrated quite a few already. In this motion picture, all is in me, and hence all is possible. Today, always.
***
Chris Martin is now telling me that `questions of science and progress do not speak as loud as his heart`. And I suddenly realize that maybe that’s it – between my right foot and my right shoulder, between dreaming and living, what matters is what I love. And love knows no physical boundaries (not even the Atlantic Ocean).
